How Partners Can Support a Breastfeeding Mother

How Partners Can Support a Breastfeeding Mother

Breastfeeding may be something that happens between a mother and her baby, but that does not mean she should have to do it alone.

In those early postpartum days, breastfeeding can take up a huge part of the day. There are feeds that seem to blend into one another, middle-of-the-night wake-ups, cluster feeding, sore nipples, leaking, pumping, washing pump parts, trying to remember when the baby last ate, and wondering if the baby is getting enough.

While the partner may not be the one actually breastfeeding, their support can make a huge difference in how supported, rested, and confident a mother feels.

One thing I always want partners to understand is this: you do not have to know everything about breastfeeding to be helpful.

You do not have to become a lactation expert overnight.

You just have to pay attention, be willing to learn, and find ways to make her load a little bit lighter.

Start by Learning With Her 

Breastfeeding has a learning curve for everyone.

Even if this is not your first baby, every breastfeeding journey can look completely different. One baby may latch easily, while another needs more time and support. One mother may have an abundant milk supply, while another may have to work a little harder to establish hers. Instead of assuming breastfeeding will just happen naturally, take the time to learn alongside her.

Listen when the lactation consultant is talking. Learn what a good latch looks like. Understand what cluster feeding is so you are not panicking when the baby suddenly wants to nurse every hour one evening. Learn the signs that baby is getting enough milk and know who to call when something does not feel right.

You do not need to memorize everything, but when your partner is exhausted and running on two hours of broken sleep, it can be incredibly comforting for her to know that she is not carrying all of the information by herself.

Bring Her the Baby 

This sounds simple, but it can be one of the most helpful things you do. Especially overnight. If the baby wakes up and needs to nurse, you can get up, bring the baby to her, help her get comfortable, and then take the baby once the feeding is finished if she needs help burping, changing, or settling them back down.

Breastfeeding may be her job in that moment, but everything around breastfeeding does not have to be, and that matters.

If she can stay in bed while you change the diaper, refill her water, grab the nursing pillow, or rock the baby back to sleep, that is still support. Sometimes support is not a big grand gesture.

 Sometimes it is simply saying, “I’ve got the baby. You stay right there.”

Keep Her Fed and Hydrated 

Breastfeeding makes mothers super hungry. Like, surprisingly hungry, and thirsty!

One of the easiest ways to support her is to make sure she has access to food and water throughout the day. 

Keep a water bottle near her favorite feeding spot.

Refill it before she has to ask.

Bring her breakfast when she is stuck under a sleeping baby.

Make sure there are snacks she can easily grab with one hand.

Think granola bars, fruit, yogurt, trail mix, sandwiches, oatmeal, cheese and crackers, or anything else that is quick and easy.

Please do not wait until 7:00 at night to ask, “What do you want for dinner?” By that point she may have breastfed ten times and forgotten that dinner was even something she needed to think about. You will have to take the lead sometimes. That can mean ordering something. Cooking something super  simple like spaghetti, or just heating up some leftovers.

Her job right now is healing, feeding a baby, and adjusting to a completely new rhythm. So, feeding her is one of the best ways you can take care of her while she takes care of your baby.

Protect Her Rest 

Breastfeeding mothers may be the only ones who can nurse the baby, but that does not mean they should be the only ones waking up, changing diapers, doing laundry, washing dishes, and taking care of everything else. Rest matters in postpartum. Not just sleep. Rest.

If the baby has just finished nursing, take the baby for a little while so she can shower, eat, close her eyes, or simply sit somewhere without someone touching her.

There may be times that you will have to read her and predict her needs. If you have guests coming over to visit she may need you to manage them. If she has been dealing with a cluster feeding newborn all day the house will be messy, so you can step in and tidy up. Oh! And don’t forget to wash the bottles and pump parts.

The goal is to keep her out of survival mode  in these precious weeks.

Encourage Her Without Putting Pressure on Her

Breastfeeding can be an emotional roller coaster. There may be days when everything is going beautifully and other days when she feels defeated.

Maybe the baby is struggling to latch.

Maybe pumping is not producing what she expected.

Maybe her nipples hurt (suggest coconut oil).

Maybe she is questioning her supply.

Maybe she is simply exhausted and does not want to be touched for another second.

This is where your words matter.

Instead of saying, “Just give the baby a bottle,” or “Are you sure the baby is getting enough?” try asking, “What do you need right now?” Sometimes she may want reassurance.

Supporting breastfeeding should never mean pressuring someone to continue at the expense of their physical or emotional well-being. The goal is never breastfeeding at all costs. The goal is a healthy mama, a fed baby, and a family that is happy.

Be Her Gatekeeper When She Needs One 

Everybody is going to have an opinion when the baby arrives. This is when she may need you most. She may hear “you’re feeding her too often.”, “ you’re holding that baby too much. Put her down.”, or “when are you going to give her a bottle.”While they may mean well, these comments can weigh heavy on a mothers mind, and we don’t want that.

She does not need to defend every feeding decision she makes.

Sometimes supporting her means stepping in and saying, “This is what works for us right now.” Simple as that. You can help protect her space while she figures things out.

Remind Her That She Is Doing a Good Job 

This is my favorite advice.

Breastfeeding can feel invisible, and incredibly lonely.

No one sees all of the nighttime feeds. They do not see how many hours she spends sitting in the same chair nursing. They do not see the pumping sessions, the leaking bras, the mental calculations, the cluster feeding, or the moments when she wonders if she is doing any of it right. So, you tell her…

Tell her you see her.

Tell her you appreciate what she is doing.

Tell her she is doing a good job, and not only when breastfeeding is going well.

Because breastfeeding may be one of the most beautiful parts of postpartum, but that does not mean it is always easy. Partners cannot breastfeed for her, but they can make sure she does not feel like she is carrying the experience alone.

 ● Bring the water.

 ● Wash the pump parts.

 ● Change the diaper.

 ● Hold the baby.

 ● Make the meal.

 ● Sit beside her.

 ● Ask what she needs.

 And when she is too tired to know what she needs, take a quick look around and find just one thing you can take off her plate. Sometimes the best breastfeeding support has very little to do with breastfeeding at all.

Sometimes it is simply making sure mama feels supported and reassured.